How to feel old……
Step 1:
Book yourself onto a Project Management Foundations course
Step 2:
Walk into the room where the course is being held
Step 3:
Find familiar face and sit next to them. Chat for 5 minutes until he realises he is in the wrong room. Swear internally.
Step 4:
Gaze around room; allow heart to sink as everyone else is so obviously young. Note the number of people with weird piercing’s in eyebrows, upper ear lobes, bottom lip. Note vacant expressions on their faces
Step 5:
Look to instructor, again let heart sink as you realise it’s a Salman Rushdie clone. But he’s at least 50
Step 6:
Die a little more as the introductions are done, including age!
Step 7:
Be mortified as you hear this (abridged to cut the usual crap and names changed to protect the thick)
Screamer : Hi , I’m Screamer and I’m 26 (upper ear lobe pierced…twice)
Y viva Espana: Hi, I’m Y Viva Espana, and I am 24 (very deep Spanish accent, but gorgeous young bird- forgiven)
Ignoramous: Hi. I’m Ignoramous, and I am 30. I was sent here for development (like it’s a fucking stretch in choky)
Timid: Hi, I’m Timid (speak up you wuss) and I’m 26 (unless you get more assertive you’ll probably die of fright next time a Daddy Longlegs flies in the room)
Punk : Hi, I’m Punk and I’m Twenty fucking Two (Ok, I added the fucking bit there, but it’s pissing me off - eyebrow and lip pierced, possibly brain stem as well)
And so on, 6 more times, with ages ranging from 23 to 27
Jack (thinks) : Please let me fucking die now, no personalities, no brains, all think their great, all are going to be so sadly let down as they grow older….cynical…moi?
Jack (says) : Hi, I’m Jack and I’m 42………
Jack (thinks) : Why are they smiling? Couldn’t at least one of them shake their head in disbelief?
Salman : Ok, I’m Salman and I’m 43 ……..
Jack (thinks): fuck me I can’t look that bad….why is he looking at me? Oh god he thinks we’re “age buddies”…how shit is your luck?
I have another 2 days of this torture. No word of a lie, it’s like being at Kindergarten. If anyone ever says age makes no difference……..THEY ARE EITHER DELUDED, STUPID, BARKING or SAD, possibly all four, but they are also VERY, VERY WRONG
Later, Grocerjack
4 comments:
Hi, I'm RightGirl, and I'm 27 (2 tattoos - no piercings).
In some ways, age matters. But you had the balls to take the course with all the young upstarts - that kind of courage comes with age.
And some of us young upstarts read your blog, which shows we're interested in what you have to say, "old" or not.
When I was 20, I thought 50 was old. Now I find myself pushing 30, and describing people as "only" 50. You managed to walk into a classroom full of young'uns and show them that the brain never stops learning just because the hair over it goes grey, or disappears. You probably gave them a better lesson than Salman did. What's he up to these days, anyway?
RG
Hi RG - I read your blog and am a bit surprised your only 27. Hope the new life in Canada is good. I am being a bit stereotypical of course, but I can't help feeling the paranoia of them all looking at me as an oldie! Perhaps I should have lied but even if I said 36 that would probably still make me senior in their eyes.
Jack, it's all relative! Yeah, my thirties were great, on the whole - apart from two divorces! but my forties are too, so what the hell....other people are always willing to down you for something and nothing, so go out there - kick some arse - and enjoy your life - WHATEVER YOUR AGE!!!
43 year old Policeman's Daughter....XXX
Jack, it's all relative! Yeah, my thirties were great, on the whole - apart from two divorces! but my forties are too, so what the hell....other people are always willing to down you for something and nothing, so go out there - kick some arse - and enjoy your life - WHATEVER YOUR AGE!!!
43 year old Policeman's Daughter....XXX
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