The Sandman he calleth......

Scene 1: The Office, various soulless people sitting at PC's staring blankly into their screens. Jack has a coffee, and is busy surfing the net........cue the sudden jolt of a phone ringing, playing an mp3 mini version of "Enter Sandman" by Metallica as its ring tone. It is The Sandman....on a mobile...a crackly mobile

Jack jumps, for it has been some time since direct contact has been forthcoming

Jack (verbal) : Hello Sandman, how are you (for Jack knows when to enter arslikhan mode)
Jack (mental): Fuck, what does he want, it must be bad......why else would he stoop to call such a lowly person

Sandman : I'm alright mate, I have a question for you

Jack (verbal) : Oh right...I'm all ears
Jack (mental): shit, I bet it's "Are you GrocerJack?" or "Have you thought about a future with more liberty?"

Sandman : Do you have any bandwidth available?

Jack (verbal) : Sorry?
Jack (mental) : Did he just ask me if I had a sandwich available?

Sandman : Do you have any bandwidth available?

Jack (mental): No way, he can't be asking me for a fucking sandwich...think Jack...think...
Jack (verbal) : Oh....errrr........yes I have some bandwidth available
Jack (mental): sighing...Well played son, well played

Sandman : OK, I need someone to manage our contracts with the third parties who we will be using as we outsource more and more of our Operations

Jack (mental): Oh I get it, and you want me to suggest someone sutiable
Jack (verbal): sounds interesting......do you have anyone in mind?

Sandman : I think you'd be right. You know all of our third party partners and solution providers, and we need to manage them better blah blah blah ( insert unnecessary corporate gobbledygook bollocks talk)

Jack verbal) : Ok, count me in, and thanks for thinking of me for the role
Jack (mental) : too eager you dick, too eager. Now he's gonna think you have loads of spare time (I do)

Sandman : OK, I'll clear it with M. You're sure you have the time to take this on

Jack (mental) : play it cool
Jack (verbal) : Well, none of us have that luxury do we...but I'll do my best. You can always be sure of that..
Jack (mental) : Jesus, that was good, a true corporate blow job if ever I gave one

Sandman : OK, good news, I'll touch base next week and we can chat further.

Jack (verbal) : Cheers, have a good weekend.
Jack (mental): Christ you'll be swallowing next. But whatever it takes......

And that was my morning...

Later, Grocerjack