Daylight robbery.....

Well, I'm back and finally back in the normal groove. So, the holiday was excellent and started well. The passage through good old Gatwick was as smooth as it could be , instant check in, bags labeled and sent through by friendly smiling girl, security negotiated, even though I was pulled aside. Apparently golf balls aren't clear through the x-ray machine! Anyway from check-in to airside bar - 15 minutes.

At this point I could see the strap line for the next Carlsberg ad

"Carlsberg don't make airports...but if they did...."

Anyway, we had a couple of pints to kill the time, and like typical boys sat there watching the planes land and take off, each taking it in turns to tell flying stories or produce some inane plane trivia. The plane took off OK and bang on time. Superb - like a lot of people I am always slightly nervous during a flight. I know the theory, love the sensation of taking off, and of landing (it's the sheer power that does me), but I'm not the driver, and this makes me edgy. I don't doubt for one minute that the bloke or bird flying the plane wants to get there in one piece, but I can't get totally rid of the thought that there is 34,000 feet of sod all below me, and there is a huge lump of solid rock to.....erm break the fall! Anyway, slightly bumpy landing also on time was then succeeded by the sheer hell of Malaga airport. A plane load of 320 people, 1 person on passport control = 30 minutes queuing to get through that bit. But that was nothing! To tighten the genital bolts a bit more we then waited by the baggage belt for 90 minutes before any bags came off. 90 fucking minutes, in a steamy hot airport and not one person went and complained. Very British and very daft. Apparently the day before had been a public holiday, although why that should have any bearing is a mystery to me. Lazy bastard baggage handlers is more likely the cause.

Eventually we were transported to the car hire place, but by this time the heavens had opened big time. Apparently the Costa Del Sol was hit by a mini-tornado, and I can honestly say I've never experienced wind and rain like it. Far worse then even the great storm of 1987 in the UK. That night time journey to the hotel was quite challenging. It didn't bode well.

Next day, cloud and sun, no rain, not a drop, and a medium breeze. I got burnt on my scalp, and my bottom lip (not because it was out through sulking either!). Just a combination of sun, wind and stupidity of not using any sun screen!

The rest of the week was lovely, in all aspects but especially the weather. Even the sting of Chelsea snatching defeat from the jaws of victory was bearable (in fact I expected it). And Fuckwit couldn't be blamed, the players simply bottled it. Although an inspirational coach may have been able to inject passion and belief into them for the second half even though they conceded a cheap (and cheating) goal just before half time.

I drunk a lot on holiday, mainly G&T as Guinness was only available in one bar, and that was really only suitable for watching footie. Lots of G&T. Very refreshing, and at 3 Euros for a huge measure, bloody good value. Hangovers were in abundance, but the cure.....a huge breakfast of fresh fruit, followed by a full English with toast and tea and fruit juice, followed by golf. Five holes into each game and the hangover was history. Worked every single time.(note to self, remember this you idiot!). Thanks to La Cala resort for the best breakfast anywhere! A great hotel, highly recommended.

As for the golf, well we had 7 games in 7 days and they went like this for me - indifferent, good, better, even better, indifferent, poor, complete and utter shite.

We also found a new Queen Vic full of leathery skinned ex-getaway drivers, with shrines to Kenny Noye in the front rooms! More on that later.

And the daylight robbery? The fucking airlines. These are now the biggest bunch of bandits and highwaymen in the world today. They are fucking thieves, and there is nothing you can do about it. Was it the 75p for the thimble sized can of Diet Pepsi? No! Was it the unexplained hour delay to flight? No! Was it the fact that we were charged as a group 130 Euros for excess baggage on the way home, even though we had the same gear? Yes! On the way out Monarch Airlines (hang your heads in shame)accepted our cases and golf bags with no charge. On the way home though, they then told us we would be charged for the extra weight? Why? No explanation - just company policy. If you don't pay then your stuff doesn't get on. No choice then but to pay up. But get this - we allegedly had 31kgs of excess, but they only charged us for 20! Another group of golfers had 34kgs of excess, but they also were only charged for 20! And Monarch implied this was a favour! You can imagine the way I felt and a few choice words were said. I will write and complain because of the illogicality of it. Especially as it is merely the same plane we flew out on. We, the flying public are over the airlines barrel.

Oh, and one more thing. I was in seat 17A, next to the window. On landing I noticed a slight vibration nearby. I touched the window and it moved! So far out it actually touched the outer window. It was 75% not attached to the "window frame"! I am no aviation expert but surely the inner window seal plays an important role in the structural integrity of the fuselage. Does anyone know if this is trivial or potentially dangerous? Please let me know because had I discovered it during the flight then I would been white knuckled all the way. I did tell Monarch, who impassively noted it down on some sort of engineering sheet.

Thats it for now

Later, Grocerjack