Things I can do......

I love my family but this week they have been away on Brownie or Guide camp (can never remember which). Therefore, I have been a man, off work and alone in his domain for 4 days and nights. As much as I love them this has allowed me to do certain things that I wouldn't normally do with them around.

1.) Fart loudly and proudly - everyone farts so don't try kidding anyone. Normally, I politely leave the room and contribute to the greenhouse gas situation, but for this week I have been able to be as load and proud as I like. Ditto for loud and proud bloke belching. Liberating.

2.) Decorate at my own pace - I had a single non-negotiable task from GMD this week - decorate the Utlility Room. GMD now knows I only decorate if her and Teenager and Baby are somewhere else for the week because that way I can take as much or as little time as I need. I can have "tea-breaks" whenever I like, schedule a lunch break in as pleases me. No-one keeps popping in the room to ask me "if I fancy a pub lunch", or "help me in with the shopping" or "can you drop me at MiddleSis's house".. Now with Teenager it's whether the GrocerJack Cab service can take her to Mini-Me's (yes it's still going....grrrrr) or WeirdMate's. All of these requests stop me in my tracks and when completed...well somehow the momentum is lost for the day. I like to choose my start times, schedule and finish times, on my own, with no help. Selfish maybe, but it's the way I work.

3.) Eating shit - not literally you understand,.but my evening meals this week have consisted of Pizza, Kebab and Indian, and my lunches have been Hot Sausage Baguettes with ketchup or HP Sauce. Mens food.

4.) Eating sweets - yep, no fruit this week. I've been eating tons lately, but this week fuck all. Like a lot of blokes I'm a selfish fucker and resent sharing anything with anybody. I don't share my drinks in the pub, I'd rather buy a whole one for somebody than give them a sip. I don't share food and I certainly don't share sweets. We buy the usual family amounts of biccies, sweeties and chocolate but I rarely see any because Teenager swoops on them and gives them to her friends, as does Baby and so invariably when I want them, there's nothing there, the cupboard is bare.. GMD likes to let any visitor have what they want. Me...I paid for it and I want to enjoy it. With them out of the way, I have sampled in glorious "me-only" style 2 bags of Maynards Sours, 2 Cadbury's Dairy Milk with Crunchie bits, a whole bar of Fruit and Nut and a tub of Mars Ice Cream. Quality.

5.) My TV - I have been able to watch what I fucking want every night. Spooks, Footie, Little Britain (outrageously funny), My Good, Bad and Ugly DVD, golf, whatever. At no point has a fucking Soap been seen on my TV. Bliss

6.) Ignoring the phone - I use the phone incessantly at work and I hate the fucking thing going off in the evening. It's rarely ever for me but I'm still expected to answer it if I'm closest. What gives people thr right to think they can disturb me in the evening. Don't they think I have anything better to do? Worst is the "surprise" call from people you haven't spoken to for ages. Me and my mates generally know when we're going to call each other, so it's not a surprise, in fact it's scheduled. And we take seconds...."Hello Mate, pub tonight?" ..."Yeah, normal time"..."Later then"...end of conversation. This week I have been able to blissfully ignore the phone...even unplugging it during The Good, The Bad and The Ugly. Relaxing

And so the room is almost complete. A few bits of finishing up and it'll be as good as new. I will be up to speed on all the news thanks to my companion 5Live whilst working. And my stress levels are non existent. Even a good soaking on the golf course yersterday felt relaxing. All thanks to a few days uninterrupted peace and quiet.

It ends today, they're due home in an hour. Buit it was good and appreciated more because of it's rarity.

Later, GrocerJack