Shafted again......

So, I know I said I just wanted to keep my head down at work and not attract any attention. That way I could bumble through the next 12 years until I'm 55 and with any luck The Company would then decide I was surplus to requirements and let me have early retirement. Of course , my hypocrisy where work is concerned has been well documented on this site (the future of which I am considering simply because my anonymity has been lost and therefore my freedom to write and say what I really want has been compromised) as I veer between Corporate Arse-licker and covert rebel.

An identity crisis I think its called. But, in my case it seems mixed in with a mid-life crisis. Who am I then? The rebel who doesn't give a shit or the arse-licker who secretly wants to get on and "develop" his career? The blog writer who wonders why his hit rate is not what it was, or the blog writer who doesn't care about "ratings" and writes in order to preserve his sanity in a dull and corporate, soundbite, homogenised, risk averse world of work?

Yesterday, the Mysterious M, a man I have grown to like,respect and admire announced he is leaving. Belive me, I never thought I'd work for someone who could make me like, respect and admire them again. The Mysterious M has been promoted to a level 3 role in another part of the Company. So, all the good work I have done is now in the "objective" hands of New Manager, the Bespectacled Guru, and the reason possibly why my work related contentment level has increased is leaving. I feel betrayed, as if The Mysterious M has been disloyal in some way.

And I wasn't even considered. 3 years of Operational shite working under pressure, taking the kickings and the brickbats, delivering exactly what I was asked to against all the odds, rewarded with a fucking planning job which stretched me for....ooooh ....a week back in November perhaps, and further rewarded by that cunt The Sandman with a wave of his hand and "Jack has potential and experience, but I need someone to hit the ground running in this role" bullshit brush off. The rebel wouldn't care, but the other half just thinks What Have I Done That Is So Wrong?

Is it a sulk? You're damn fucking right it is. A big fucking sulk. My fucking sulk. A sulk caused by a simple change at work that has me considering just about every aspect of my life. Christ, is this what happens as you get older? Is it the subconscious realisation that as I get older I have less time to make my mark? Has this simple act of apparently beoing overlooked just stirred those feelings of mortality and lack of fulfillment?

I always recall the lines to The Who's song "Won't Get Fooled Again" ..."Meet the New Boss, Same as the Old Boss" a line designed to hit out at how things never change for the better, but in my case all I can hope for is The Bespectacled Guru is the same as the The Mysterious M, but I'm not going to hold my breath. Today is a bad day.

And so I will consider if Grocerjack should resign the commission on this blog and restart everything with the vengeance and frustration on a completely anonymous site. Or perhaps Grocerjack is the good side of my increasingly Jekyll and Hyde character. I may use this site to comment wryly on things, whilst venting the darker stuff elsewhere.

Time to think.

PS - Manchester Utd will tonight form a guard of honour for my beloved Chelsea when we walk out onto their pitch as newly crowned Champions tonight. Bloody Hell, thats the most magnanimous sporting act I've known in football for some time. Hats off to Sir Alex Ferguson then. You've just gone up a few notches in my estimation.

Later, who knows when, Grocerjack