What a load of bollocks.....

I don't mean to sound like a killjoy...but after one hour of watching the BBC's Children in Need I want to slice the top of my skull off, open the lid and scoop my brains into an acid filled food processor using a rusty ice cream scoop and switch it on whilst open to fully scatter them around the room. I have no qualms about the cause which is worthy enough, but to inflict it via a TV programme of such shocking amateurism and banality is beyond the Pudsey pale. So far tonight, I have watched Westlife perform some old song whilst dressed in DJ's, perhaps pre-emepting a move into the "music for old people" arena, where Old People's homes can be filled with the delights of these five knobbers singing their safe bollocks shite all night. Then Natasha Bedingfield.....what a looker, but what a piss poor performance from Stirling Castle...whats up love (duck for those in the Mansfield area) ..a bit too cold for you. At least put some fucking effort in. Christ even Baby said "whats up with her voice, can't she sing louder?". Rolf Harris did his Jake the Peg routine which bought back memories of an innocent period in Jacks life, when Rolf had his own Saturday night peak time entertainment show, featuring his resident dance troupe "The Young Generation". I liked that bit and I even convinced Baby that he really did have three legs.......or maybe she was stringing me along....just to humour her Dad. Can a 9 year old have a concept of humouring someone?

Then I finally gave up when they staged a faux version of that hoary old chestnut "Blankety Blank". It may be my perception but throughout the whole night I got the distinct impression that Terry Wogan

1.) hates Gabby Roslin - his co-presenter
2.) is sick of doing this
3.) has become an old curmudgeon
4.) is a parody of himself
5.) is not, and never was funny

Blankety Blank was unfunny, amateurish rubbish. That wa s 10 years ago, but this one tonight was 10 times worse! it was an utterly complete, fucked up collage of total knob cheese bollocks. Even the sublime talents of Jon Culshaw and Jan Ravens couldn't rescue this knocked together insult to my intelligence and sense of humour..

So , before my weekly appointment with several pints of overpriced Guinness in underfilled glasses I felt the need to eject some much built up internal vitriol. A message to the BBC - If you want to get people to phone in and pledge then for fucks sake stop broadcasting this complacent, formulaic, ham-fisted, unfunny, patronising bollocks. Put some fucking effort in and you'll get loads of doantions, but if you think people are going to pledge money to watch any old dog turd sketches and "artistes" you are going to be very wrong, very soon.

Later GrocerJack