Choices, choices, choices......
 
Well in a weeks time almost exactly to the second I will be starting my annual main holiday in the Sunshine State of Florida for a whole 3 weeks. I have been fairly ambivalent about this holiday so far because it felt more like "one for kids" than one for me and GMD. You see, me and GMD are very similar - we are, quite franky, lazy bastards on holiday. We like to holiday in France because we like everything about the place...yes that also includes the people, who only appear arrogant because most IGNORANT Brits think they should speak in our language rather than their native tongue. I have lost count of the times I've heard someone saying something along the lines of
 
" 2 Pints of lager"......"I SAID 2 PINTS OF LAGER"....." 2 PINTOS OF BEERIO YOU FUCKING FRENCH/SPANISH/ITALIAN* KNOB/WANKER/BASTARD/TWAT**"........."why can't they fucking understand me?".
 
* - delete as applicable
** - errr...yeah delete as applicable as well
 
We actually heard someone in the self service cafe on the site we stayed at two years ago complain because
 
"....that were a reet palaver...they don't speak fooking english at the till".
 
Oh the joy of seeing our finest born and bred adopting their Little Englander ignorance in a not so foreign clime and inflicting it on the people merely trying to serve them.
 
Anyway, I digress. So we like to sit by the pool, or go to the beach, eat civilised street cafe lunches, read loads of books to make up for the fact we don't get time at home, meet new people, visit little market towns or historic sites (Carcassone last time..amazing walled city that is actually still used as a working city and not closed down for tours) and have barbecues in the lovely evening sun. We never have an intinerary, decisions are made on the day or the night before depending on weather and whim. But this year......I have had to plan the itinerary (with help) so that we can see the Disney/Universal etc etc  sites. We have to try and fit a "water park" in and alongside that a trip to Kennedy Space Center because Jack still finds Spaceships and Rockets awesome and fascinating. All of which makes it feel less like a holiday and more of a ....tour......thus making me a tourist. I like to absorb the culture of where I visit, so when in France I try and speak French, eat the local specialities, drink the local wine...you know..try and "fit in" and experience something different. So to absorb some of American culture I thought a plan of action beforehand would be good. Some of this is based on observation and some on what people have told me ...Here it is...
 
1.) Eat like a horse and  become clinically obese
2.) Become a good God fearing bible bashing person
3.) Use false sincerity a lot
4.) Carry a gun
5.) Use  the word "trunk" instead of boot
6.) Tell anyone who asks that yes I do know the Queen and in fact she is house sitting for us whilst we are away
7.) Say Eyerack when talking about the situation in Iraq
8.) Make my tyres sqeal at every opportunity when driving
9.) Make out that Budweiser is a nice beer (fuck me that'll be hard ...it'd be easier to pretend that drinking piss was nice)
10.) Always ask for the "washroom" ....never the toilet, the bog, the carzy, the loo, or the shithouse
11.) Wear very loud shirts and huge shorts
12.) Never lock the car door after parking
13.) Never visit an old warehouse or factory, just to ensure I am not caught in any final scene shootouts
14.) If I hear a noise outside the villa, do not go outside on my own without a torch
15.) Say "ass" instead of "arse"...mind you I never comment on other "asses" in front of GMD as this usually results in an inflamed ear from a swift right hander
 
...any other suggestions on how to absorb or adopt some American culture will be most welcome.
 
One last favour........on the night we arrive there is a launch from the Space Centre (my proper spelling). It is the Delta 2 Messenger mission to Mercury, but I will have been on the go for around 24 hours by this time....the kids won't be able to stay awake for it and GMD would have to stay at the villa if they don't want to go. What should I do? Should I stay, or should I go? If I go, am I likely to be safe on my own? How close can I get if I haven't bought a "launch ticket". Is a launch actually worth seeing? We are staying about 50 miles from Kennedy so , really, any advice is gratefully received.
 
Later, Grocerjack