Arid Britain……….
So, here we are in the middle of summer. And what a glorious one it is….NOT. Since the arse end of June…...well from halfway at least...... it has been “unsettled” in weather forecasters parlance and here we are on the 7th day of July, having barely seen any sun for fuck knows how long and to cap it all we have a severe weather warning from Teletext.
Great!
And people wonder why I want to live somewhere hot when retirement/redundancy eventually occurs. So, in the faint belief that this is just a fucking blip and that (someone’s) God doesn’t really hate the British that much I went to my favourite weather site and got a forecast for my local area for the next 10 days. Here it is…….
July 7th – Rain (good for the plants)
July 8th – Rain (still turned out nice again hasn’t it)
July 9th – Showers (sometimes known as ……rain)
July 10th – Showers (errr….would that be rain then?)
July 11th – Mostly Cloudy (Ohmigod what will the flowers do without a drink
July 12th – Rain (phew…I was getting worried then – bring on the standpipes)
July 13th – Rain (Golf Umbrella anyone? Only one owner….)
July 14th – Partly cloudy (break out the factor 25 sunscreen peeps)
July 15th – Showers (Oh good! A break from…. errr…rain)
July 16th – Mostly Cloudy (well, better get my shorts out and have the Barbie ready then)
……..etcetera, etcetera as the King of Siam allegedly once said (err…. well on the stage that I saw him on he did)
However, no doubt some arseholes will still be watering the garden…..like my wanker of a next door neighbour – hereinafter known as Hornblower – yep he’s an ex-skate of the Officer kind and we DO NOT speak after THE INCIDENT last year where he pushed Baby out of the way and stood face to face with me in my front room…a story for another posting.
I wonder what the suicide rate is when the weather does this.
Anyway, come August I’m off to Florida for 3 weeks with GMD, Teenager (lets see how fucking cocky she is in the theme parks there!) and Baby (who isn’t scared of anything from what I can see). Apparently they get an hour of torrential rain each afternoon in August and then the sun gloriously returns, the temperature rises back to 30 plus degrees and everything is dry within 30 minutes. How very fucking civilised.
Anyone wanna sell a sun lamp?
Later, Grocerjack
5 comments:
Well its nice up here, has been for a couple of days.
Its grim up North, as someone said once. Mistakenly.
Aaah, but its on its way to you as I write! At the moment we have 12 degrees (wow), driving torrential rain, gale force winds (enough to stop the big ferries to France)....and we have the heating on.
Jack,
the good thing (imho) about our climate is that we don't get poisonous nakes and big fuck off spiders.
Also it's true about the rain in florida and if this is your 1st time (or even if your a regular)an essential buy is the brits guide to florida.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/057202925X/qid=1089269561/br=3-1/br_lfncs_b_1/026-0717954-6612445
The incident?. story please.
Aaah, here it comes.
Now where's my 3 bar fire?
If I could have attached a nice greetings card to accompany it I would have. I'd consider some wellies as well as the fire. Oh, and tie a brick around new cats tail unless you want it to be blown halfway across town. You might want to ignore this advice for mutant chicken cat.
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