Lost in BollocksBiz

This may sound like another anti-Septic posting (thats Septic as in Septic Tank = Yank) and it isn't really.

No, honestly guv. I loved my visit to the US last year. I enjoyed the differences in perceptions of scale and sie, the differences in culture, the paradox of a country where porn is legal but beer can't be advertised on TV and you can't buy an alocholic drink for someone who isn't physically by your side in a bar in case you give it to a minor. I loved the cheap fuel, the "nothing is impossible" attitude, the low quality/high volume food. the weather - hot sunny days broken by violent thunderstorms and the occasional Hurricane. It was an enlightening and positive experience and , yeah, I'd go again and will when the money is right.

No, this is just sheer disbelief and amazement a a country that can generate such fuckwits as actress Renee Zellweger and her soon to be dismissed husband, country singer Kenny Chesney (famed for his alleged hit song "She Thinks My Tractors Sexy). They married 4 months ago on a beach in the Virgin Islands but have yesterday announced the marriage is to be annulled on grounds of his "fraud". Well, today on the BBC News website she had gone further by asking for privacy during this "sad period" - I urge you to read the full report here.

Now this already smacks of the usual Hollywood, lost in showbiz, artistic sensitivities, unreal word arse-wank talk we've all seen before. but what really caught my eye was this statement

US TV show Entertainment Tonight reported a further joint statement saying the split was due to "the miscommunication of the objective of their marriage at the start".

"Renee and Kenny value and respect each other and are saddened that their different objectives prevent the success of this marriage," it said, according to Entertainment Tonight.

What? They didn't understand the objectives of marriage? They had different objectives? Their objectives weren't aligned? My God, they didn't have a Marriage Project Initiation Document, A Marriage Project Mandate, A Marriage Lifecycle Plan, a Marriage Development & Test Plan, with a full and comprehensive Marriage Implementation Plan and Post-Marriage Support Contract?

Forgive me here, but I kind of expected that most people in the world understood the concept of marriage (at least the religious definition) and its...ahem.....objectives. You know, the old fashioned one of finding someone you love, having that love returned, committing to each other for life, having kids, building a life together, in sickness and health, richer and poorer etc etc.

Now accepting that this idealistic concept does go wrong, bad choices are made, temptation steps in, distrust or boredom intervene, familiarity breeds contempt or just that peoples ideals, morals, needs and views change over time we all know that marriages fail. But I've never heard anyone, but anyone say "we didn't understand what was expected" or "we didn't know what marriage was for".

Nope, I've heard "he/she had an affair or affairs", "He/she keeps abusing me physically or mentally", "we grew apart", "He/she has changed", "Fate meant I met someone else and fell in love with them".........but "the mis-communication of the objective of the marriage from the start" is just a fantastic piece of legalistic public relations spin that Alastair Campbell would be proud of.

One things for sure, America still knows how to produce outstanding comedians.

Later, GrocerJack