These are my choices for the beers (sic) that should be consigned to Hell. It's fairly obvious I don't drink much lager except after golf, but that would never include any of these disgusting examples of decomposing chemical based piss . I have also included the incredibly toxic nerve agent Merrydown Cider, similar to Diamond White and a dead cert way of accelerating early Alzheimers by destroying brain cells more efficiently than if you poured neat sulphuric acid through a hole in your skull. Bollocks to bombing Iraqi insurgents, just fill em full of this stuff for a week or so and they'll be so fucking wasted you could sing them a lullaby into submission. Good lagers do exist but very few are on draught, but hats off to Becks, Dab, Hoegaarden (not a lager but a wheat beer and fucking gorgeous), any German beer served in Germany, Budweiser (the Czech one) and Grolsch. Of course real ales and my own tipple, the marvellous Guinness don't count in this because they do include malt, hops , yeast and barley.
Carlsberg, faux danish piss brewed in Putney
Circle I Limbo
San Miguel, Spanish faux Fosters piss. Revolting after one pint
Circle II Whirling in a Dark & Stormy Wind
Fosters and Castlemaine XXXX, Australian piss and vomit agent
Circle III Mud, Rain, Cold, Hail & Snow
Budweiser, yank tasteless watered down piss. Untrue
Circle IV Rolling Weights
Merrydown Cider, apple-less piss with violent attitude to brain and stomach
Circle V Stuck in Mud, Mangled
River Styx
Carling Black label, piss guaranteed to keep you sober but still make you vomit
Circle VI Buried for Eternity
River Phlegyas
Hofmeister, Bears piss. Not a hop or barley grain in sight
Circle VII Burning Sands
Harp Lager, vile chemical piss that didn't stay sharp to the bottom of the glass
Circle IIX Immersed in Excrement
Kestrel Lager, 29p a can, piss with added chemicals
Circle IX Frozen in Ice
Later , GrocerJack
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