I can't believe the news today....

Who would believe it? ....Unbelievable! ......A travesty!..... A tragedy!....... Disgraceful!...... The Government should do something! ........I blame Tony Blair! .........Just another example of how Labour are screwing this country up! ............It's all about big business in the end etc etc (ad infinitum...)

Or in my own particular case...thank fuck, good riddance and who gives a shit.

Yes folks, apparently that kindly old man and serial altruist Bernie Ecclestone has called time on Formula 1 in the country of its birthplace (err...that being England....oh Ok fucking Britain then). The comments above are just paraphrased from what I heard on 5 Live and some of the dickheads....sorry...petrolheads in the office (frankly I think I was right first time) in reaction to this allegedly monumental news. Now, I am sorry if this upsets anyone (but it's my blog and I'll write what I damn well like!) but I cannot bring myself to be the slightest bit sorry about the loss of this so called sport, with overpaid pampered drivers, driving virtually automated machines in a procession around the track. A sport where "team orders" destroy individual ability or undermine what comparatively little skills these automatons have. A sport which thinks nothing of charging a minimum of £150 to watch on the day and some hideous price to watch the practice runs or the qualifying rounds. I've said it before, it's hardly spectator friendly is it? I would have as much fun plonked on a deck chair on the side of the M25. And it'd be free!

And before anyone says "Oh yeah and golf is exciting is it.." in a sarky manner....well actually yes it fucking is. The Ryder Cup was genuinely exciting, as were the Majors, often going to the last day...remember the British Open? Plus, its a sport anyone can play, from rich to poor, male to female, brilliant to duffer, old or young, black or white, short, tall, fat, thin, blind (yes blind), deaf, disabled, clever, stupid or even the likes of me. Hmmm...how many F1 drivers fit into the categories above other than young, tall, rich, male and white....huh answer me that! But a set of clubs can be had for around £50 (second hand) or for £100 including bag, trolley and balls from Argos, and a round for as little as £10 in some places. And every course can challenge the best to the worst. Oh yeah...lest we forget... a handicapping system allowing players of any ability to be pitched against each other, meaning that theoretically I could beat Colin Montgomerie in a one off game (admittedly I'd still have to kneecap him or tie his arm behind his back to do this but...theoretically it is possible)

How much more fucking inclusive can you get?

And for golf, you can add football, rugby and even the biggest knobber sport of Tennis to that list.

However, my friends, with good old F1 things are a tad different. I used to think it wasn't possible to drive an F1 car without giving blow jobs to Team Owners and Managers, being bought up on the streets of Rio, or being a rich loaded public schoolboy with loaded parents or a knobber playboy with a death wish and a small dick. But I was wrong...for the princely sum of £1200 (yup 1200 bars, sovs, nicker) I can have a weekend at Mallory Park (who, where?), several meals, a night in a hotel (whoopy fucking do) , a ride in some cars (including a hot hatch...didn't I used to do that at 16?), with the climax (sic) of 8 laps in a genuine F1 car...yeah...a genuine F1 car...no honest guv..its genuine....fresh from Monza. At £1200 it's hardly something one can partake in every weekend though is it? And how genuine can this car be if their willing to allow any sad fucking boy (or girl) racer to get behind the wheel and drive it after a days "familiarisation"? Hmm...don't the real drivers have to do years at lower levels of motorsport, live a life of paucity (yeah right), struggle through adversity, indulge in large amounts of arslikhan etc etc (ad infinitum). Oh yeah, and there is no option to just book the driving bit....nah..there wouldn't be would there. After all, we don't want Darren turning up on his 18th birthday after a night on the WKD, in his F reg Ford Fiesta XR2, ready for a drive do we?

Oh yeah...Prix is French for price...so the translation of Grand Prix is "Big Price"...how very ironic.

So, I won't apologise for this tirade because I think the whole alleged "sport" is rubbish, contrived and corrupt. But worse than that it's boring boring boring.

So farewell then F1 in Britain...it's a wonder you lasted this long.

I am off now to strike a multi million pound deal with ITV for the rights to the Weekly M25 Round London Scramble, sponsored by the Ministry of Transport and held every Friday Night at around 5 'o' clock in the evening. I believe they have several other events there every day as well for those who want to secure the rights. The worst of it is....some people would probably actually pay for this!

Finally.......it's hard to write in the day amongst the sea of "swimlanes" so posts will probably be evening oriented from now on. And don't even start me on RAG Status Reports to add to the KPI reporting!

PPS Finally......Big cheers for the Mighty Blues as they rolled Porto aside last night. Professional, tidy and ultimately ruthless. Bring on CSKA Moscow (who will lose because Roman Abramovich will order them to!). And yes, I watched the game all the way and we won. The experiment continues.....

Later, my friends, later, GrocerJack