Bodysnatchers?

And Lo! The Call Cometh to Him! Yesterday I attended my Band F "Development" Centre. Yep, thats right, identified as a potential Band F within The Company having only worked there 15 years, the first stage of my "transformation" from tall, witty, slim, good looking, sensitive, caring and humble (only 2 of those are true!) GrocerJack , through the "Stepfordisation" process into a complete replica of myself, minus any of the personality or attributes that make me who I am, has apparently started.

The interesting thing is the use of the word "Development" . For most of us the dictionary definition has stood the test of time pretty well...

Development : the act or process of developing; growth; progress: child development; economic development

In The Company's Official Management Gobbledygook Bollocks Talk Dictionary the word "Development" actually means "Assessment".

Assessment : the act of assessing; appraisal; evaluation.

As can be clearly seen these mean different things, so the current F band Club probably had a bright young thing, freshly scrubbed from Uni who thought "why not change the meaning so that people who are stupid won't understand what is actually going on?" Yeah, OK I understand how business works, but the very nature of the 4 of us on this event means we're not stupid, so we knew what was going on, so why not just call it what it is? A chance for the hunters to size up the prey before the kill. A chance for the mad scientists to see what they're cloning. They are demi-gods ready to turn us into their own image. For them this is fun and they get to play the part of God's with omnipotent power over whether we live or die (in the metaphorical career sense one hopes).

And you know what? The damn thing is I would sell my soul for the extra money and benefits. Yes, I am suffering from yet another bout of Hypocrititis! The day itself was the usual mix of a group activity, a competency based interview and a bit of role play. All the usual stuff which is quite fun. Apparently we will get feedback which act as an "enabler" for us to recognise and act upon our developmental areas (or weaknesses as we used to know them).

I have now gone past caring to be honest, a bit like Red in Shawshank Redemption when going to his parole hearing for the 20th time...

SHAWSHANK PAROLE HEARINGS ROOM - (1967)

Red enters, sits. 20 years older than when we first saw him.

      MAN #1
 Your file says you've served forty
 years of a life sentence. You feel
 you've been rehabilitated?

Red doesn't answer. Just stares off. Seconds tick by. The
parole board exchanges glances. Somebody clears his throat.

      MAN #1
 Shall I repeat the question?

      RED
 I heard you. Rehabilitated. Let's
 see now. You know, come to think of
 it, I have no idea what that means.

      MAN #2
 Well, it means you're ready to
 rejoin society as a--

      RED
 I know what you think it means. Me,
 I think it's a made-up word, a poli-
 tician's word. A word so young fellas
 like you can wear a suit and tie and
 have a job. What do you really want
 to know? Am I sorry for what I did?

      MAN #2
 Well...are you?

      RED
 Not a day goes by I don't feel
 regret, and not because I'm in here
 or because you think I should. I
 look back on myself the way I
 was...stupid kid who did that
 terrible crime...wish I could talk
 sense to him. Tell him how things
 are. But I can't. That kid's long
 gone, this old man is all that's
 left, and I have to live with that.
  (beat)
 "Rehabilitated?" That's a bullshit
 word, so you just go on ahead and
 stamp that form there, sonny, and
 stop wasting my damn time. Truth
 is, I don't give a shit.

The parole board just stares. Red sits drumming his fingers.

CLOSEUP -- PAROLE FORM

A big rubber stamp SLAMS down -- and lifts away to reveal the
word "APPROVED" in red ink.

Like red I feel I've been through this "Development" every year and still never got anywhere near the door. Maybe , just maybe if I really don't give a shit then something might happen? But I won't hold my breath.

Later, the original Grocerjack