The Stepford Managers Club

The madness that accompanies working for The Company continues at a fair old lick. In my old job (or “role” as they call it now) I was pretty much bored rigid, working for a propeller headed pedant who was the worst man-manager I’ve ever encountered , or maybe the second worst….the more I think about it the harder the call becomes.

In those days the Management Gobbledygook Bollocks Talk (MGBT) was the language of Process and Planning designed to confuse any listener or outsider by spouting words formed into pseudo-sentences containing no meaning and saying nothing. It’s another section of the trend towards intellectual snobbery and akin to that used in the detestable world of Fashion and to a degree, the world of Art. The proponents of this use it like criminals used Cockney rhyming slang to baffle and confuse those not in the know. It’s a way of saying “I’m better than you because I know this stuff and you don’t” – they believe this then gives them a power over the ignorant masses by excluding them from their clique.

This is how things work within The Company. I have now moved into an environment where boredom is now looked at as a luxury. I never stop attending meetings, writing reports and documents and guiding my team. Whilst I battle away each day to meet The Master’s expectations, all around me the baffling language of the Senior Stepford Managers within The Company continues to grow. The process to becoming a Senior Stepford Manager is shrouded in absolute mystery. The promotion process is not published and if you’re on the band below Stepford Manager grade (“Band F or Above” as its known) , like me then getting there appears to be by magic or witchcraft.

It’s a secret club you know. You can only get in by being a member. Membership is by invite only. The walls of the club are lined with Gold. It’s like Floor 500 of Satellite Five (later Game Station) from Doctor Who in the Chris Eccleston period. It’s exactly the same. Your name is called, you enter a lift and in that lift you attend a Breakthrough Course. This is the point at which your membership is confirmed. This is the point at which any remnants of personality and Individuality are removed. The real you with all your faults, your sense of humour, your EMOTIONS is a withered husk locked in a darkened room. What comes back after a “bodysnatchers” period is the Stepford version of you.

All smiles, always positive, always working late, unable to talk about anything other than work even when outside work and with a skin burn on the side of your face from the constant important mobile phone calls you take.

You are Now Very Important!

But nobody likes you much.

Later, a still human Grocerjack