The Wedding

After the first major event of September, the dreaded post holiday return to work failed to be as dreaded as expected……….I am considering that this may be because a degree of demob happiness has set in despite the new role potentially being at risk of an outsourcing contract, in a work area I know very little about and with a team of people who I barely know the next even was The Wedding of my middle brother Skank to my new Sister-in-law (hereinafter referred to as ScouseSis to reflect her origin of Liverpool).

Skank has carefully avoided the institution of marriage with a high degree of skill, despite living with someone for nigh on 10 years and having twin girls with her, seemingly preferring to wander down Bachelor Avenue for the rest of his life, or to leave his ….ahem….options open. Then 4 years ago he meets ScouseSis in, of all places, an airport departure lounge. ScouseSis had separated from her first husband who it appears is not a very nice person and Skank had finally decided to call it a day with his ex-partner, affectionately known as Shell. Sometimes good things just end and his relationship with Shell had run its natural course.

ScouseSis had seen an ad for a small independent holiday company called “Small Families” specialising in single parents with children who wanted to go abroad in a pressure free environment without getting caned for supplements and other punitive top up payments. Skank had also seen this advert and decided to take his twin girls away for a short break. Seriously, they then met in the airport lounge by virtue of having identical “Small Families” luggage tags. The rest as they say is history.

Boy meets girl, girl meets boy, boy decides to have a crack at girl, girl decides boy isn’t too bad, boy perseveres, girl plays along, kids like each other, boy decides to see girl all holiday, girls agrees, girl agrees to see boy after holiday ( a notorious pivot point as most of us never bothered after the holiday romance), boy really likes girl and calls her after holiday, girls agrees to continue seeing boy, boy falls for girl, girls falls for boy, boy asks girl to move in, girl agrees, boy and girl decide to buy new house, boy asks girl to marry him, girls agrees. Boy marries girl. Everyone has a party. Everyone gets drunk. Marvellous.

I made a small speech as best man, which I’m rather happy to report seemed to go down rather well. Hopefully just the right amount of humour, mild humiliation and genuine schmaltzy sincerity allowed the Father of the bride to say his piece which was a tad more serious, but none the less heartfelt. The lack of band or disco music meant that people had to talk to each other from different families, a ploy which worked superbly despite the vast majority being part of my Chelsea heritage’s sworn Nemesis of Liverpool Reds. I had wondered if Crowthorne’s dog population would suffer severe trauma as the level of high pitched Scouse whining reached fever pitch and sent them crazy, but the truth is they were very happy Scousers who seemed to enjoy the banter and chat equally as much as us. The nice fact that Skank invited all of GMD’s family to be on his “family” side was rather touching as well. I know they all appreciated that and fully enjoyed the evening as well.

Some other points to note…….when ScouseSis’s daughter, aged 8, stood up at the ceremony and made a speech, there weren’t many, including me, who weren’t fighting back a tear or two. What’s that about? So, as I get older I’m saddled alongside my inherent grumpiness with an inability to control emotional displays as well? Crikey, a miserable old goat who can’t fight back a tear at a sweet little girl making a very touching speech? How unfair is that?

Also noteworthy was the appearance of Dave, my estranged youngest brother. As stated before, estranged through no other reason than he is unreliable and seemingly lazy. He’s 39 now and a bit heavier and wrinkled than I remember. It was good to see him though and quite emotional at times after nearly 10 years of absence. His new girlfriend Nurse Ratchett has agreed willingly to ensure such absences are a thing of the past. After 5 years of non-smoking the 3 of us stood outside the hotel at midnight and indulged in a Victory dance cigar to seal both the union of Skank and ScouseSis, and the secondary re-union of jack, Skank and Dave.

And in typical fashion the night was ended by the Manager of the Hotel asking us to go to bed at around 01:30 after an incident involving Dave and LittleSis going behind the bar and helping themselves to a bottle of wine! A nice little bit of controversy to finish on and one for which they will be ribbed forever on!

If you measure the success of an evening by the size and power of the resultant hangover then it was a stunningly successful evening.

Well done Skank. Well done ScouseSis.

Later, GrocerJack