Twisted

Teenagers bed broke last week. It's a double sized wrought iron (hmm...) bed and the weld on one of the joints has just given up after years of having kids (and the ....ahem....odd adult) bouncing up and down it. Its not often I get results when I buy things, but when we ordered the new pine replacement version for her, we asked that they delay the original delivery date by one week. Yep, you guessed it, they ring on the original date and delivered it anyway because the driver is in the area and their computer system is too fucking stupid to understand the concept of rearrangement. Luckily we were in, when we were supposed to be out so we took it in anyway. The thing is they also rang on the rearranged date when I was at work with a delivery for a bed! What was GMD to do with this moral dilemna? Of course she did the right thing, kept her mouth shut and let them deliver another bed. This one's for Baby if they don't discover their fuck up.

Anyway, tonight I dismantled the remains of the old iron (sic) bed so that we could

a.) get rid of the thing
b.) get it out of the room
c.) pull the carpet up for the install of laminate flooring - I detest the stuff but GMD and the kids love it - GMD wants it in the living room, but I'm fighting that one all the way...cold and noisy shite in my view. How can I lay out on a laminate floor and read the Sunday's in comfort? I might as well lay on the fucking pavement outside and read them!

Simple huh? A few screws and nuts to undo, no problem. Just the job for one of mans finest inventions...the cordless screwdriver. Any man knows how satisfactory the feeling is of tightening or unscrewing 50 screws on a DIY project by pressing a button and letting the screwdriver power the screw in or out without huge weals and bruises appearing on your hands. It must give the same satisfaction as tightening the wheelnuts on Formula Yawn car in 3 seconds. Top marks to Mr Black and Mr Decker.

But no! You see in a cruel twist of fate The Academy of Crap Design got there first. As I stooped to the first screw the memories of building the bastard thing came flooding back. The screws aren't Phillips crosshead, nor do they have the traditional screwdriver groove in the head. No, just for me some vindictve shitneck tosspot decides that an Allen Key fitting is what's needed here. So, 2 hours of twisting a torturously small Allen Key in a screw attached almost permanently to a nut was my night, rather than the planned 20 minutes with my Black and Decker. What sort of twisted cretinous monster decided that this was the way to allow the screws to be tightened?

On a night where Baby asked me for some help in her forthcoming and first ever school debate, on the subject of Capital Punishment, and where I gave her my arguments against it, I think maybe it should be re-introduced for the twats who have graduated from the Academy of Crap Design.

Later, ScrewedJack