Angry Bed Position 5

This is the last one - if your reading this first then go down the page and read from Angry Position number 1. No diagram for this - but this is the riskiest of all the Angry Positions; in 2001 alone, this position caused no less than 217,008 working days to be lost and cost British industry more than intestinal problems and pension fund fraud combined. Angry Position Five requires that one performer march wordlessly out of the bedroom, carrying a pillow. A position is taken up elsewhere in the house. It is most important (and many unpractised performers fall down here) to relocate to a simply awful site - at the very least, a desperately uncomfortable sofa but, ideally, under a thin towel on the hard, freezing floor of the bathroom. The point, you see, is martyrdom. If the performer who departed has judged guilt levels correctly, then they will be rescued before too long by their miserably penitent partner. However, it they have been over-optimistic, they are stuck sleeping there; additionally carrying the galling knowledge that their partner is spread-eagled in glorious opulence across the entire bed. Also, there's a very good chance that when they wake up in the morning their neck will be locked at 30 degrees and nothing but a cold, fizzing sensation remains where their legs used to be.

Haven't we all been in all of these?

Later, GrocerJack