The Politics of Girl Guiding and The Brownies

The cast of the Brownies trip to Paris

GMD – you know who this is

Fletcher Christian – The Kings Wife, GMD’s friend and the overall organiser of the trip.

TMW – The Majors Wife, GMD’s friend and another confirmed Guider

BOU – Another guider but with barking mad tendencies and an adeptness for telling some might fine porkies

Captain Bligh – The District Commissioner, old bag, born again virgin, part of the Mary Whitehouse brigade and freeloader extraordinaire

The Admiralty – the girl guiding hierarchy who have succeeded in pretty much preventing this movement form joining the rest of us in the 21^st Century.

So GMD and Fletcher Christian disappear with TMW and BOU and other assorted women who are kind enough to give their time to run the Guides, Brownies and Rainbows. This trip has been planned for 128 months because if nothing else Fletcher Christian knows how to plan such events meticulously because frankly taking 36 kids of varying ages from 9 to 14 is such a taxing thought that only near military precision can make it work successfully. Plus to be actually allowed to do this the Guiders have to study and take exams that would frighten most of us away muttering “fuck that for a game of soldiers”, especially when the only gain is pride and satisfaction but NO money! . She even took the exam to be a lifeguard and to do that had to overcome a general fear of water.

The trip leaves from the Coach pick up point at 06:00 and by 15:00 I have received the “we’ve arrived safely” message and all seems to be going well. I received a few updates during the trip but to be frank they were only away for 2 nights and synchronizing calling times rarely works so conversations with GMD were infrequent at best. But it transpires that Captain Bligh was operating a “whispering” campaign throughout the weekend. Yes, the type of thing that has done for many a politician was happening here, on a Brownie trip!. The “smear” campaign being run by this pseudo Guide supremo was targeted at Fletcher Christian. It was just like Maggie Thatcher damning John Major or any of her successors with faint praise or generally just criticising them in general. In the end she did for all of her successors with some mistimed, misinterpreted or probably just deliberate comments on their abilities. Now, if this happened to me I’d be inclined to confront the person there and then, maybe clock ‘em if necessary with an unfortunate one, but then that’s what blokes tend to do. Violence is not always the answer, but fuck me sometimes it is exactly the answer. That’s how I stopped myself being bullied at 13 and having the fags I nicked from my mum nicked off me at school. I just smacked the geezer concerned and we ended up in a fight but that’s another story for another day. This is not meant to be sexist in any way but women do tend to be softer about this type of thing and consequently end up suffering more and so Fletcher Christian put on the brave face during this covert personal assault.

On the way home this seemed to be continuing and Captain Bligh was operating from the back of the coach even before they got to the Ferry. With any large group of course the more in the group the more chance of a mishap and so, as fate would have it. BOU’s daughter fell on the very last step on the ferry staircase that leads to where the coach was parked. She appeared to have sustained a broken arm and was obviously very shocked and upset, as was BOU. However if nothing else BOU is a competent guider and so knew not to panic. Her daughter was taken to the nearest A&E unit and Fletcher Christian dispatched The King to drive to the hospital thus ensuring that BOU and casualty could get home that evening. BOU’s husband is a sea-farer and is currently in the middle of some god forsaken part of the world waking up every day and looking out of the window and thinking “Yup, that’d be the sea then”.

Of course this incident was a godsend to the poisoned tongue of Captain Bligh who elevated the smear and whispering campaign up a notch to make it plain that she was not happy with the turn of events and the way they were dealt with. All of this served to undermine what Fletcher Christian had done in organising the trip, and to bring her down and perhaps question her own handling of everything. Classic bully tactics - make the person feel bad about themselves and you’ve won the battle. Despite the best will in the world Fletcher Christian then rang Captain Bligh after the trip and actually confronted her about the whispering and smearing. Did Captain Bligh back down? No, from what I gather she went back at Fletcher Christian even harder. GMD spent a good hour or so on the phone trying to support Fletcher Christian and devise a strategy going ahead. At this time it seemed that Fletcher Christian had the support of TMW, GMD, The Lone Rangers Wife and the rest of the volunteers, although oddly BOU was keeping right out of everything. The next day Fletcher Christian then rang GMD and said that the Admiralty had called her and had asked her to hand in her warrant card. Bloody hell, this was serious and immediately GMD was on the phone to the local Admiralty explaining what had really occurred. Since then all I’ve heard is that whispers are continuing and that cliques are building. Another phone call from Fletcher Christian to Captain Bligh resulted in Blighs own daughter matter of factly saying that Bligh was not in and that even if she was she would not enter into any dialogue with Fletcher Christian anyway.

Does this end up nicely? Did the full crew mutiny and join Fletcher Christian? I had hoped it would, and that mass resignation would bring about the downfall of the Hierarchy at the Admiralty when no-one was able to run the brownie and guide packs for the surrounding area. Of course the real victims would be the girls who attend each week and actually gain valuable life skills instead of hanging around the local shop, listening to rap, smoking fags with spotty twats whose ambition is to be part of a boy band or get a good steady job in MacDonald’s

Does Fletcher Christian find peace on an idyllic island inhabited with beautiful natives? Well not quite. She has actually resigned her commission, after all who needs this shit when you’re not getting paid for it? She did this against most people’s advice to be honest but perhaps like some sort of Mandelson figure this will act just as a stopgap in the Guiding career of Fletcher Christian and that like a phoenix she will rise again to glory.

What confuses me is that an organisation with a faux military hierarchy does not have any sort of disciplinary or arbitration process. When things like this occur, it becomes whispers behind closed doors, rumours and counter rumours and the soft shuffling noise of things being swept under dusty old carpets. And they wonder why they struggle to recruit volunteers?

Watch this space.

Later , GrocerJack