Black Holes........

My house has become a black hole for various objects. By this I mean that the very things I want to use are never there. They have disappeared. They have ceased to exist.

Pens:

I bring home pens from work. Yes, I know technically this is stealing, but we're talking a dozen or so Bic biros so for fucks sake get real. I then place some in the container by the phone in the living room and some in the "desk tidy" (thanks Betterware) in the study by the main PC. So how come when someone calls and I need to note down a number or message I can never find a pen! The lovely fully working Bic Biros have all been replaced by blunt pencils or dried up gel pens. Are Teenager and baby running a pen racket at school? Is GMD giving them away to friends and neighbours?

Batteries:

I buy batteries for things such as remote controls, toys, cameras etc. Sensibly I buy in bulk so as to assure the presence of spares when required at a vital TV Channel turning over moment. Yep, you've guessed it, when I need one they've all gone. Mysteriously no-one else in the house knows where they are. Why is this?

Brita Filtered Water:

I bought one of these because I am tight-fisted. I want filtered water, but not something that needs attaching to the plumbing of the house. I fill it up, leave it for two hours to chill the water nicely for subsequent pouring into a long glass, with a dash of lemon juice or some Blackcurrant squash (because all other squash is crap). But when I go to the fridge, all that is there is an empty, but very cold water container. Again, no-one seems to know why this has happened.

Remote Controls:

Nine in total – 3 downstairs for the TV, DVD and Cable plus 6 upstairs for the various TV, Cable and DVD bits of kit. So why is the one I need always missing? Why does no-one else in the house know anything about the whereabouts of the one I want?

Sweets, biscuits and chocolate:

I know there are copious amounts of these dotted around the house. I also know I buy some to munch at a quiet moment. Something like a nice Plain chocolate digestive, or a packet of wine gums….or a bar of Fruit and Nut. Yep, you’ve guessed it. They disappear into the black hole existing somewhere in the core of my house.

I’ve now got to the point where I hide pens and batteries, stash biscuits and sweets. I buy bottled mineral water because the kids don’t like it. I am turning into this miserly person who resents buying things that are consumed by others, leaving none for me? Is this normal?

Later, Grocerjack.