So why was work a pile of festering shite for the last 6 months? Well, you may recall that the announcement was made last year that we would undergo a 'transformation' (or what we used to call a reorganisation) of The Company's High Tech Pipes, Tubes and Strings Department. Lets just call it the Smoke and Mirrors Department from now on because frankly it's all black fucking magic to me. Of course this abbreviates to the S&M Department, which also has some truth in it as well.
Anyway, this transformation was being done because, to quote Queen Wasp "we can do this, and we're not doing it because we have to" - My internal response at the time was "of course not love, you're doing it for us after all we'd all hate to think it was happening on the pretext of cost savings...I mean perish the thought".
I'd pitched my views into the various meetings about where my team should be and what it should be doing, kidding myself that
a.) anyone was listening
b.) anyone gave a shit
c.) I gave a shit
I am very good at faux enthusiasm. You may also recall, Mr Blonde was employed at great expense to come in and create the new Service Management department, or SM as it would have been known. Hmmm....the SM thing keeps cropping up. A theme maybe? So, in came Mr Blonde on £100000 per year to sit in the corner and basically ignore people until you spoke to him. I quite liked him for his apparent straight talking, no bullshit nature and the fact that he allegedly supported Chelsea, although this has never really played positively for me as most senior managers who claim such things are living in BillyLiarLand, using their football allegiance as some sort of link to the proletariat that work for them in order to exploit and claim credit for their talents to an even greater extent than normal.
Cynical? Moi?
Well, we were promised several 'drop dead' dates for organisational announcements which is always a tense time despite the usual 'no redundancy' bollocks coming from Queen Wasp. Then, some bright spark on the UK board decided that The Company, and not just S&M needed a trim.
Well, when I say trim, I mean the Corporate equivalent of a Brazilian.....yeah I know what you thought that link might show!
The S&M 'transformation' was firmly shoved into the bin and overtaken by the UK wide initiative called 'Simple'. That's when things got really sinister. A veil of secrecy descended over the whole company, rumours started to build and spread and many people sustained injuries caused by constant jumping to conclusions. In March, Simple Tuesday, was announced whereby the whole organisation would find out who was in and who was out.
It was a bloody cull. Good people were given envelopes a goodbye message and a severance deal, the departure being blamed on their alleged 'performance issues'. Others suddenly found their role's were 'no longer required' and also left. Most were walked off the site that day and forced to hand back laptops and phones. Email accounts were deleted that day and remote access was locked down. Every building at the Corporate Palace had the doors manned by security guards. It was corporate carnage.
Except for us. We were in the SM part of the S&M department and Mr Blonde happily told us that those of us who hadn't been thrown out that day were safe and were part of the future. This was a double edged sword for us of course because some of us had seen our friends have their lives turned upside down that day and not in a particularly dignified manner. Of course not everyone was shifted out that day, just those who were in the F Band Club (see posts passim). The mere proletariat were given notice until June 30th. Some were given gardening leave, some were told they were expected in as part of the severance deal. Stay at home and you lose it for those expected to come in.
During this period the atmosphere had gradually darkened until Simple Tuesday, when it was positively black. The worst day I can ever recall at work, ever.
But it was over and we were safe.
We had a future.
We could start to rebuild.
There was no more blood to be spilled...................surely?
Later GJ
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