Yep, as the news weeks get slower and slower it’s time for a Jack tirade against the utter farce of PC Bollocks rearing its ugly head again in GBUK PLC. Before I go any further let’s get this straight. Fundamentally I’m still a socialist, albeit a “champagne” one because I work in a decent (albeit deadly dull) job which pays substantially more than the average wage. But in true Champagne Socialist style I got it through hard work and a degree of luck. However, my fears continue to grow around the slide of GBUK PLC into the morass of inertia created by the tub-thumpers of the PC, holier than thou, our shit doesn’t stink, pious, goody two shoe wankers that a Labour government seems to encourage. It’s almost as if the Labour Party, in its eagerness to try and please everyone, will listen to and spend good public money on research and initiatives no matter how sad or minority affecting the issue is, from just about any sad gang of whacko's who approach them.
Hence today we see our old friend PC Bollocks turning up and producing a set of guidelines on what children can and can’t do within the realms of the school play. According to this new set of guidelines children could be prevented from acting out love scenes in school plays or drama classes. Hence, the kiss scene from Romeo and Juliet could be banned as “inappropriate” behaviour for children. Hmmm…so children of 13 plus aren’t already snogging yet? In my eyes this age group sees the transformation from grubby schoolkid covered in mud into grubby teenage hormone filled wanking machine for whom the delights of a snog are either unfulfilled fantasy or an addictive drug that leads to …………well I think you know. And thats just the girls! I mean lets get some perspective here. Kids in school plays are supervised by teachers who have kids of their own and therefore are happy to explain the context of the kiss, the embrace or the occasional “adult” word used in some of the more adult oriented plays. After all old Billy Shakespeare wasn’t in the habit of writing for Cbeebies was he? Part of their education should be about learning, through the medium of drama and books etc, exactly the evolving nature of the transition from childhood to adulthood. If we mollycoddle them by preventing them from acting out or debating this stuff, or preventing them from confronting thorny issues of love, hate, fear, jealousy, fidelity etc then surely we are abrogating our duty of being parents and teachers - because in the end as adults we all are teachers even if not Professional salaried ones? I mean its not like they’re being asked to act out the scenes from Debbie Does Dallas is it?
I will now move onto another issue whereby PC Bollocks has been present in his patrol around
Smoking. It’s shit isn’t it?
It’s smelly, offensive, anti-social and above all it’s bad for you.
I used to smoke until about 4 years ago. I smoked from the aged of 14 until I was 40. 26 years of veering between periods of occasional smoker to chain smoker, from Marlboro to Silk Cut to roll ups, with a cigar flirtation in the middle somewhere and the occasional ....ahem....joint. When I gave up I vowed not to become an evangelical non-smoker. I vowed not to bitch at those who smoked. I said I would not go on and on about how horrible it was, and how much better food tasted (my post-quitting waistline already implies that), and how nice my clothes smelt etc etc.
But things change. I hate people smoking near me. It triggers my asthma which has virtually disappeared since quitting. It triggers Teenagers asthma when people smoke near her. I don’t want smoking IN my house but GMD is the first to break that rule when she has a drink and decides to smoke (she is only at best a social smoker, but just like I used to be an "occasional" smoker the smoking rate increases when she’s having a drink). So in essence the ban is a good thing in my view. My pub will become a cleaner nicer place to go for a drink with or without the family. Just like I despise smokers lighting up near me when eating, i despise the atmosphere of a smoke filled pub. In the future i will be able to stand in my local and breathe freely knowing my lungs aren’t being infested with 3500 carcinogenic chemicals, and that my clothes will still smell Lenor fresh when I get in. The Governor has even planned a gazebo area in the garden for the committed smokers, and like any other reasonable Governor he is planning a patio heater in order to make it a tad more comfortable in winter.
However, for the PC Bollocks brigade this isn’t good enough. No, they not only want the ban but are rumbling away about banning patio heaters on the grounds that they ruin the environment! Well, in this case I stand by the smokers. If we, the anti-smoking brigade, are to have our way then surely a compromise is required. Yes, let them smoke outside or in a separate room. Let them choke themselves to death if they want, but for fucks sake at least try and let them do it comfortably. You’ve won on one hand and now you want to further stigmatize them by telling them to freeze whilst chugging on their lung torpedos? Well my PC environmentally friendly hair shirt and sandal wearing twats, I hope you lose this one. I hope more people buy more patio heaters. I hope they put some alongside the runways at Heathrow for the plane spotters to watch more and more kerosene fuelled jet engines fly people around the world for the price of a packet of Nobby’s Nuts. I hope pubs across the country are festooned with the bloody things. Hell, I might just spark mine up tonight whilst I’m out so that I’m heating the air for no good purpose. Unless you plug the world’s volcanoes and natural emissions then all of this is a drop in the proverbial ocean.
I have a message for PC Bollocks and gang - Stop looking for good causes with which to batter ordinary people struggling to get by with. Live your life how you want and fucking leave the rest to live theirs. Stop funding research into utterly crap issues and stop dictating to us on the how we should live, die, bring our children up, what we should watch on TV, what we should read, how we should travel, what we should wear in the sun, what we should eat, how we should eat it, where we should buy it from, what we should buy etc etc when in actual fact, although our world is not perfect, we’ve done pretty fucking OK so far.
Later, GrocerJack.
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