The Plan (Update)......

So how is The Plan going then? Remember a few weeks ago I finally succumbed to the Plan in order to sort a few things out and now post-holiday I have started in earnest.

Errrr.....well sort of.....

My golf is the first part of the plan - and frankly it's never been worse. My grip was changed, my posture was altered and my set up routine was....well introduced because I never actually had one. The result? The worst single round of golf I've played in3 years since I scored 5 sad points in a stableford competition for the local football club. I even asked The King to stop scoring my card halfway round it was so bad. I know that it takes time for things to change, and to be fair the new stuff works wonderfully on the range......but you don't fucking play on the range, you play on the course, in front of others, some you know and some you don't. Thats when the new stuff fails and makes you look like a complete novice fuckwit arsehole who might as well be trying to hit the ball with a fucking pitchfork as a golf club. I'll keep trying and have a "friendly" game on Sunday, but if my clubs suddenly appear on eBay ...don't be surprised.

My weight was the second part of the plan. To help this I have participated in the South Beach Diet. Conjures up all sorts of images doesn't it....exotic fruits, long cool drinks, barbeque food......you get my drift. How wrong you'd be. As far as I can fathom its a version of Atkins diet, but with less food. You can have cabbage, aubergines (yuck, yuck and fucking yuck!), beans, lettuce, celery...but no carrots, spuds, rice, pasta, or any fruit of any kind! And whats more....no alcohol, so my weekly pub visit last Friday was......cheap. 2 glasses of fizzy mineral water for £2.80. I was pissing like a horse, but with none of the lovely warm feeling of getting ever so slightly rat-arsed. And how fucking hard is it to stand in a pub of skulled people whilst you remain sober? They laugh at everything, talk bollocks and all you can do is stand there and smile politely. Sensible comments cut no ice. It was a struggle. Actually it was almost a form of torture. Anyway....have I lost weight? Yes, how much though will remain a secret for now. Apparently in a week I'll be in phase 2, which allows some fruit, and some alcohol.........whoopy fucking doo!

My teeth were next.....they are crooked. There is no getting around it, they are mot aligned properly, they are wearing down. They affect my confidence. So, I have decided to under two years of straightening work which may involve having some ex-British Rail tracks stapled to my teeth pulling them back into something resembling a normal (thats United States normal of course) alignment. Once completed I will then undergo the dental equivalent of a cosmetic surgery makeover and have veneers applied in order to get even closer to the American gob. Cost....around £3000 for the straightening and £1200 for the veneers. Thats good old British enterprise at work...apparently in the US it would cost around half this for both treatmentys. Thats one hell of a confidence issue though!

The other parts of the Plan are yet to kick in properly - fitness regime has just started with 20 minutes per day on the treadmill that acts as a clothes hanger. So now its a dual purpose treadmill, which means I've gleaned extra value out of it. The French will start in earnest during May in order to get myself back from the foetal level to the schoolboy level that has served me so proudly in previous times and the guitar will start....when I can fond some time in the day for 30 minutes practice daily. That'll be after this time of year has passed - a time of year that is more expensive than Christmas. During April both Teenager and Baby have birthdays, as does GMD, and lodged nicely in amongst this lot is my wedding anniversary.

And I call myself a planner?

Later, grocerJack