More Election Bollocks.........

Have I seen a single fucking knobber candidate yet? Has the Tory candidate been anywhere near my house yet so I could have the chance of tearing into him over the fucking Council Tax, which replaced their other wank-shite brainchild the Poll Tax? Or question them on what has changed their views on the NHS since the days of Thatcher/Major cash starvation and internal markets forcing cheap solutions into our medical care, pushing quantity over quality as nurses and doctors strived to do their jobs in a "best value/lowest cost" culture?

Not a fucking sign, why is that?

Here's why, because the local right wing Tory is a shoe-in for this area of the country, voted for en-masse by the blue rinse and grey vote. Any other vote is wasted as no other party will get close, not even the second placed Lib Dems, who finished 8,000 votes behind. They would need a swing of around 30% - which lets face it just isn't going to happen. He'll be voted in by most of the people in my local, who kindly refer to me as Red Ken. I don't think they like the fact that I stand up for my social conscience, and I don't avoid paying taxes. Still, it always leads to a lively debate with them, which is more than I can get from my local MP. You may have noticed I cannot bring myself to mention his name.

But on the other hand, have I seen my Labour Candidate? Not a hope - in fact the job I had finding her on the internet took several Google searches. The Labour Party's own web site only has her listed after drilling down several levels. Why this cloak of invisibility so powerful even The Romulans would envy it? I'll tell you why...because there is no hope, and therefore no point in wasting time, money, breath and effort in trying to turn a lost cause round. They finished 14,000 votes behind the Blue mob last time. I'm not beven going to try and work that swing out. I am Labour at heart, but more old labour (the socialist ilk) than New Labour I guess, being as New Labour is actually Old Tory, and Current Tory appears to be just slightly left of National Front, happily toting secretly racist and homophobic views (which are routinely discussed in hushed tones in Tory clubs up and down the country) , but they just don't seem to have the balls of the old days. I want my candidate on the streets every day, I want them on the news, I want them to be a pain in the arse because thats the way to increase support, not by sitting back resigned to defeat and relying on your hardcore support.

The Lib Dems are no better in visibility, and to date no single yellow person has visited this road, let alone village. The Lib Dem candidate has the best chance of causing an upset, because demographically we are probably close to Winchester. Remember what happened there? After two recounts the result was declared invalid because of the Tory whining in 1997. A by-election was called for November of that year convincingly confirmed Mark Oaten in the seat with a majority of 21,556. You see the electorate was so pissed off with the Tories who whined that after several recounts in 1997, each confirming Oaten the Lib Dem as the winner, by only 2 votes, that the result should be declared "too close to call" the voters went right back out and dumped the Tory candidate on their arse. It could, however unlikely happen here. So why no sign of the rather attractive Lib Dem candidate Ruth Bright?

At the very least she's good looking enough to attract the GoGB vote (see other blog) for those of us disillusioned with the politics, but sad and shallow enough to be bought by a good looking woman.

One other side effect of the election is the sudden growth in billboards, with people proudly declaring their allegiances, especially the Tory voting farmers, happily using their fields to promote their local candidate. Why is this? Why the need to stick a billboard in your garden (or field) come to think of it. Do these people really think that as I drive down the road I might be subject to the revelation that I want to vote for a name on a bit of wood? Just a name, with no picture, no details of how many sittings they attended if they are the incumbent MP , no details of personal views of whether they just blindly follow the party line,. Am I really lilley to think. "........blimey, theres the answer to my political dilemmas... a name on a billboard". And why just do it for the elction. Why not use similar boards to inform the passing world of who they are going to vote for in Pop Idol, or who they want to win I'm A Celebrity. Perhaps we might be influenced in who should win Strictly Come Dancing, or in what the all time best ever album was (OK Computer by Radiohead as it happens)

In fact, this has given me an idea. Why not hold a reality show for this election. Lock Blair, Howard, Kennedy et al in a house for 3 weeks, set them psychological tasks to do from which we can determine their real views on social justice, employment, health and immigration etc. Then set them some "fun" tasks so we can see their sense of humour and their ability to interact. Throw in some distractions like.....some asylum seekers for a few nights. Get them to cook and clean for them, then remove them and replace them with some gay men and lesbian women (real ones.....not lipstick ones....kwikfit fitter outfits and all) and gauge their reactions. Make them all compete in a game of Truth or Dare...then we'll find out how they really feel. Then let them mix with some terminally ill people, a few disadvantaged children and disenfanchised teenagers. Then cap it off with some teachers and health service staff. All spiced up with games for them to play. Then all that is needed is a vote in which the remaining leader becomes PM, and the proportion of votes from each region decides the number of MP's each party gets. Would it be any worse than the circus we have now?

Later, GrocerJack