Bonjour , one and all. EpicierJacque est retournee!
That was fucking lovely to be a bit blunt. 3 weeks of rest and relaxation under the warm Mediterranean sun (well most of the time anyway). Big events are heading my way during this month and so lets list a few below.
1.) The Premiership : Yes, I know its already started, and that the Mighty Blues have stuttered slightly with an unexpected defeat to Middlesbrough, but for me the season only really starts on my return form my annual holiday, hence for it started yesterday with our 2-0 demolition of Blackburn "kick everyone in the air" Rovers.
2.) Return to work : Yes, the big event that normally kicks off the PHD (Post Holiday Depression). I've been reading emails since I went via the nuisance device called Blackberry and all I can say is thank fuck I'm moving to a different area. All I've seen is bollocks about how well we've met the KPI's, how we must get our 07/08 budget forecasts in by the end of August, and how we must improve our weekly reporting withing The Schoolteachers area. Can my new boss (Provisionally titled The Scream as he bears an uncanny resemblance to Edvard Munch's masterpiece) be any more pernickety and deadly dull than The Schoolteacher? Yep, anything is possible but he would be hard pushed to be quite so fucking pedantic and controlling.
3.) Orthondontics : Hmm..... for the last 6 months (yes, 6 months) I have been walking round with a gob full of metal on my top 6 front teeth. The has been via a "spring" like fixed brace, recently replaced by a fixed wire brace. Alongside this I have had to wear a sort of prostethic rubber brace to cover my lower teeth whilst eating, and a removable "space brace" all of the rest of the time. Yes, of course I've cheated and taken the removeable one out, especially when down the pub, after all who wants to sound like a stroke victim crossed with a deaf person? Thats what the removable one does. Anyway, this month apparently I have the first session to have the "full fixed appliance" fitted. Its done over 4 appointments apparently, each at 90 minutes in length. I also have to stump up the remaining £2272.02 at the same time. So, if they're fitting the "full fixed appliance" what the fuck has been stuck to my top 6 front teeth since April?
4.) Start my new job: September the 18th is the day. The way I see it is this....either I'll be as happy as Larry (who he?) and the role will springboard me to one final grade promotion and the consequent barrowload of money and extra perks, or it'll be more of the same, or it'll be an unmitigated disaster and I'll be outsourced to some shite slave driving bunch of cash stealing, liberty removing, automaton corporate crooks. Either way it'll push me down an avenue of decision about my own furute one way or another. And, weirdly that uncertainty is slight exciting. Maybe its the spark I need to pull yself out of my now self imposed silently rebellious rut. My first impression of my new team is that they are a bunch of piss taking bastards with a penchant for free drinks and gambling. Sounds promising.
4.) The BIGGEST thing of course is my brother Skank gets married this Friday. Its only taken him 42 years to find the right woman and God knows he's "road tested" a few in his time. We're not having a stag do as I think this might form part of the reception and besides he is trying to keep everything low key. Not because he's tight, but because like GMD and me, he wants to make the day about them, and not the guests. Our wedding was in a registry office (second time round for both of us) with the reception held in the local village pub and then back at our house. It was far more intimate and memorable than any huge sprawl and the lack of a disco or band meant people actually had to speak to each other (shock...horror). I know this is what he has planned. I am of course the Best Man (of sorts) and this means a speech I assume. Last night before my return to work I couldn't sleep and lay there mulling over my speech. It was funny, followed by funny, with a bit of moving , some more funny and then the toast. Of course I didn't write it down because iIwas in bed trying to get to sleep, but the mind was working at 100mph. Do you think I can remember a single thing to talk about? Of course not! So the next few days will be notes written on Post-Its as hopefully the speech points come dribbling back.
Next post...things I like about France and things I don't!
Later, GrocerJack
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