One day into the holiday and a flood of tears from Teenager after calling Mini-me (her ...ahem...boyfriend from school). She had suggested that they ....ahem....enjoy their holidays without being tied in eternal love to each other. In other words she wanted a break. At this point she ran out of credit and mis-read that as him slamming the phone down. A quick call from GMD's phone and all was cleared up. The very next day at the pool there were two boys. The eldest was 14, the youngest 11. Matching Teenager and Baby's ages very nicely (they're 13 and 10 respectively). GMD turns to me and say "Jack, do you think our girls are flirting with those boys?". I lifted my head from the book I was reading, observed for a minute and replied in the affirmative. Apparently teenager had inadvertently used a chat up line of "is your little brother as annoying as my little sister?" which isn't half bad is it?
And so began holiday romance #1 for Teenager. The eldest boy M was very polite but not patronisingly so, the youngest B was cheeky but endearingly so. Both will be (are already?) lookers. They're parents W & S were....well...bloody nice actually and so from the fledgling romance a friendship was borne for GMD and me. However one day later new neighbours moved in and with them came their 14 year old - R. R was a bit more rough and ready, a smoker, cheeky, rebellious. And fucking tall. He was a bit of rough. And she patently quite liked it. Within 2 days he had asked Teenager for a drink down the bar, to which confusingly she replied "Don't know", giggled, blushed and ran away. I tried to explain that a straight yes or no is usually better for both parties, but in all honesty it was the FIRST time she had been asked out like that. A day later and he presented her with a belly button ring (yes she is pierced, and yes I tried to object, and yes I was overruled). Way to go R! You don't buy that sort of thing if you haven't got something...ahem..on your mind. And so began (concurrent) holiday romance 2. And neither kid seemed to mind the other. Over the holiday, she made friends with Mikael, James and another kid whose name I have forgotten. Plus a few other girls around the same age. She had become part of the obligatory Teenage Holiday Gang.
But R and M were the boys that caused the giggles, the blushing, the showing off. They were the ones for which she would preen herself for every night for what seemed like bloody hours (hair, makeup, clothes). Each day by the pool she would read her book and complain that the pool was too cold as Baby pleaded for the return of her old playmate. Every day I became Baby's playmate until B turned up. But when M walked in the pool, or R, the book would be dropped, the giggling would start, the play acting began, the faux pushing into the pool became prevalent, the Princess Di gazes appeared, and the water was suddenly warm. It was fascinating to see this awareness scenario played out as it is a time I remember well.
It's also my worst fucking nightmare because I remember what drove me. Girls were interesting, alien, sexy. They had things I wanted to see, touch, feel. Hormones drove me, they also drove the girls. It was time for trying and failing, for persevering for every little advance you could make. They were a challenge to overcome. They became an obsession. And that is what I face from now on, boys knocking at the door. Boys calling on the phone. Boys hanging around in MY house. Boys wanting my daughter. Boys howling at my door in their permanent "season" trying to get to my precious daughters.
All to be doubled up in a few years when Baby transforms into Teenager V2.
As John McLean (Bruce Willis character in Die Hard) would say.
Yippee-kye-ay Motherfucker.
Or as I would say
Whoopee-fucking -doo
Later, Grocerjack.
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