Ride’em Cowboy.....

So, here is how the scoring went between me and Teenager in our “ride stare out” bet. It turned out that “It’s a Small World” was closed (phew) so my plan had been thwarted, but she had already cleverly inserted a “fast and furious” clause before we left anyway, meaning that embarrassment was no longer a viable method of winning. This meant it was a tough match.

Rock ‘n’ Roller Rollercoaster featuring Aerosmith – Disney MGM – Teenager and Jack rode this – an absolute stunner to start with going from 0-60 in (allegedly) 2.6 seconds, straight into an inverted loop in the dark. Pins you to the seat. Quality ride, completed 4 times during the day. Score 1-1

Twilight Zone Tower of Terror – Disney MGM – Teenager and Jack completed this several times including once at night. Sheer terror and playing brilliantly on most people’s fear of runaway lifts. Another quality ride. Score 2-2.

Dr Dooms Fearfall – Universal Islands of Adventure (hereafter known as UIOA) – What a letdown. 200 ft high you are sent upwards at high speed and dropped just as quickly and errr….thats it. The remainder of the 30 seconds or so were as frightening as bouncing on the end of your bed…..er….. on your own of course. Oh dear. 3-3

The Hulk – UIOA – fuck me what a ride (as the actress probably once said to a man of the cloth) – this bastard is high and long and unlike most coasters doesn’t winch you to the top slowly and let gravity do the rest…oh no. This one makes you think that is what will happen but halfway up the first bit it shoots you out of the tunnel straight into an inverted loop at fuck knows what speed. All I know is that I had around 7 or 8 goes and NEVER got used to that start. 4-4

Spiderman – UIOA – not scary but absolute class. 3D glasses required ut the effect is mind blowing. Spidey even lands on your car bonnet and the whole thing judders as he does it. I doubt the ride goes more than 20 ft in the air and is totally indoors. But the bit that makes you think you are going up the side of the Empire State building and then falling off it made GMD nearly pass out. Quality ride. 5-5

Duelling Dragons – UIOA – 2 coasters intertwined (Fire and Ice) giving the impression that at several points you will collide with the other, or that your legs will smash into the occupants of the other coaster legs, splintering bones and leaving you in agonising pain for life. 6-6

Revenge of The Mummy – fuck me what a ride again (said the actresses sister to the Bishops vibrating friend) – Universal Studios – I cannot really describe this because it is not tall, high or in 3D. But is frightening, fucking fast, hot, cold, wet and superb. 7-7

And so it went on……..incluidng the 3 massive bastards at Busch Gardens and the wonderful (and possibly the best) ride called Kraken at Seaworld (which got 8 goes overall). We were level and it was looking to be an honourable draw. Lets call it 14-14.

But then……. At Blizzard Beach, a Disney water park…Jack threw the gauntlet down. Summit Plummet is a water slide. So what I hear you say? Well…it’s not just a water slide………its 120ft high, the drop off the edge is sheer, absolutely sheer. You reach 60mph and it lasts just over 6 seconds. 6 seconds of absolute naked fucking terror. One to test the nether regions and the swimming cossie. We queued for an hour. At 100ft Teenager was looking peaky. Jack was also feeling a bit sweaty and not because of the heat. You see Jack has (well had) an aversion to heights. Vertigo when standing on a chair to change a light bulb….you know what I mean. Anyway I suspected a chink in the armour and so being a real bastard I did a little gamesmanship and would grab the handrail and say “whoah did this thing move?”…..yes she was definitely getting jittery. At 110 ft we heard the familiar cheery shout from GMD, herself a self confessed heights/water phobic. She was at 80ft on the “rapids” ride in a doughnut thing. Quick as a flash….Teenager was off….”Sorry Dad….I can’t do it…I just can’t do it”. “That’s alright Sweetie” says I, rejoicing deep inside. I smiled, she looked sad and went back down. 5 minutes later Jack had launched himself off this fearsome bastard of a slide.

Jack had won. Defeat was taken with dignity, victory was taken with…constant Chicken noises and copious amounts of Chicken meals at every snack break. Cheap…yes, underhand…yes, selfish…yes, did it feel good? Abso-fucking-lutely. To cap it off for Teenager……Baby did the slide as well straight after me…….yes Baby did it as well. Even Baby beat Teenager. All I could hear was the sound of pegs being descended. And if you think ’m mean….just think……in a few years my blood pressure will not be able to take this stuff…so it was important for my pride and dignity to do this now. My victory is recorded in Jack’s family history. Her day will come….but not just yet.

More later, when technical problems are finally erased, GrocerJack