Here it comes. Our weekly ration of days off in the marvellous 5:2 work/life balance ration, although I suspect as more and more companies jump on the 'excuse to cut jobs' bandwagon, more and more people are having a 0:7 work/life balance.
Rumours are rife within The Company of impending job cut doom as the end of the financial year hove’s into view. It’s hard to walk past a Director or Head of Department without hearing the sound of knife sharpening steel. The 'redundancy plan' continues to be built slowly but surely with a highly eclectic..........no ................insane list of options being added day by day, rather reflecting the random twisted mind of the writer. The latest flight of fancy for the plan is for The Company to lay off my whole team, we pool the redundancy money and we offer what we do to other small and medium sized companies who might be interested in what we offer. Knowledge is power after all. Yep, a bonkers idea, but aren't they often the ones that take off the best?
Of course all rumours are based on tissues of information bonded together to produce bigger and better rumours, and of course they also produce little side rumours that act as offspring to the main rumour. From the "there will be cuts" rumour comes the “it’s 15% of the workforce rumour" (how could anyone possibly know that?) to the 'they're halving the redundancy payments' rumour. This last one, despite my ability to apply reasoning most of the time, is the most worrying for me. The last lot of redundancies on my pay band and below was paid at a whopping 4 weeks pay for each year of service, capped at a years salary. Additionally for those over 40 they got 6 weeks for each year of their age over 40. Hence with 15 years service at 47 years old (fuck!) I would get 5 lots of 4 weeks salary, and 7 months of 6 weeks salary.
Not bad, not bad at all and something that would sweeten the bitter pill of rejection that accompanies redundancy. Apparently though the rumour is that this will be halved! Which makes an almighty difference, because on the first formula there’s a good chance debts can be paid off, or that it’s enough working capital to get a bank to support a new business (although that’s the very cause of the whole problem isn’t it?).
Being an Unlucky Alf type of character this just the sort of shit luck that would happen to me. Avoid redundancy when the big payouts are in vogue, but cop an unfortunate one when they’ve been slashed.
“Bugger” as Alf would say.
Still it hasn’t happened yet and this rumour could well have come from Utter Bullshit Factory for all I know.
And so it’s also Valentine’s Day this weekend. Oh Joy.
Yet another excuse for the flowers and greeting cards industry to stripe loads of sad souls and convince people that you only really love someone if you send them a card/buy them flowers/take them for a meal/go away for a break. Now, here’s the Jack view.
What a crock of utter shite! Why the fuck do we need a special day in order to profess our love (or lust) for someone? Shouldn’t that be something we do anyway, whenever it suits us? Are we so full of guilt that we think that spending money on overpriced flowers or going for a special (i.e. more expensive than normal) meal is the true mark of how we feel? We really are a sad, fucked up society if that is the case. I kind of understand the principle at 14 years old of secretly letting someone you fancy know about it semi-anonymously (admit it, you always left some clue), but when you’re married…….in your …ahem…40’s?
I told Hellsbells I loved her on our Wedding Day. What more is needed?
Of course I bought some flowers……..my life would be hell otherwise
*puts tin hat back on and waves white flag in air*.
Its worth mentioning that Pie cooked dinner last night. Monkfish Nicoise. Monkfish with peppers, onions, and sun-dried tomato’s with Wild Mushroom rice and a lemon, white wine and garlic sauce. She’s 13 for fucks sake! And it was simply one of the best things I’ve ever tasted. I’m so proud of her it almost brings a tear to the cynical old eye. I did Parents evening the other night and saw 6 of her teachers. In the end the gushing praise was embarrassing.
I still maintain I would like to know when it was that teachers became nice people. Humans in fact. Because they weren’t like that in my schooldays.
Some poor Friday jokes (an occasional series when I can be arsed)
I see Supermarkets are offering bags for life.
I don’t see the fuss.
Churches have always offered this through marriage
A young man is walking along a pier when he sees an old man with his shoes off, trouser legs rolled up, legs dangling in the sea and fishing with an imaginary rod.
Puzzled, the young man asks “What are you doing”
The old man replies “Fishing for cunts”
“Sounds good, can I join you?”
“Of course you can, pull up a pew son”
The young man sits down and casts an imaginary rod out, turns to the old man and says
“So how many cunts have you caught today?”
The old man replies
“You’re the third this morning”
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves aren’t happy.
And finally….I was in Tesco the other day when I saw a guy off Crimewatch who is wanted for sevral rapes. I tackled him to the ground and punched him unconscious. The police arrived and arrested me.
Apparently they use actors on the show.
I thank you.
Later , GJ
Rumours are rife within The Company of impending job cut doom as the end of the financial year hove’s into view. It’s hard to walk past a Director or Head of Department without hearing the sound of knife sharpening steel. The 'redundancy plan' continues to be built slowly but surely with a highly eclectic..........no ................insane list of options being added day by day, rather reflecting the random twisted mind of the writer. The latest flight of fancy for the plan is for The Company to lay off my whole team, we pool the redundancy money and we offer what we do to other small and medium sized companies who might be interested in what we offer. Knowledge is power after all. Yep, a bonkers idea, but aren't they often the ones that take off the best?
Of course all rumours are based on tissues of information bonded together to produce bigger and better rumours, and of course they also produce little side rumours that act as offspring to the main rumour. From the "there will be cuts" rumour comes the “it’s 15% of the workforce rumour" (how could anyone possibly know that?) to the 'they're halving the redundancy payments' rumour. This last one, despite my ability to apply reasoning most of the time, is the most worrying for me. The last lot of redundancies on my pay band and below was paid at a whopping 4 weeks pay for each year of service, capped at a years salary. Additionally for those over 40 they got 6 weeks for each year of their age over 40. Hence with 15 years service at 47 years old (fuck!) I would get 5 lots of 4 weeks salary, and 7 months of 6 weeks salary.
Not bad, not bad at all and something that would sweeten the bitter pill of rejection that accompanies redundancy. Apparently though the rumour is that this will be halved! Which makes an almighty difference, because on the first formula there’s a good chance debts can be paid off, or that it’s enough working capital to get a bank to support a new business (although that’s the very cause of the whole problem isn’t it?).
Being an Unlucky Alf type of character this just the sort of shit luck that would happen to me. Avoid redundancy when the big payouts are in vogue, but cop an unfortunate one when they’ve been slashed.
“Bugger” as Alf would say.
Still it hasn’t happened yet and this rumour could well have come from Utter Bullshit Factory for all I know.
And so it’s also Valentine’s Day this weekend. Oh Joy.
Yet another excuse for the flowers and greeting cards industry to stripe loads of sad souls and convince people that you only really love someone if you send them a card/buy them flowers/take them for a meal/go away for a break. Now, here’s the Jack view.
What a crock of utter shite! Why the fuck do we need a special day in order to profess our love (or lust) for someone? Shouldn’t that be something we do anyway, whenever it suits us? Are we so full of guilt that we think that spending money on overpriced flowers or going for a special (i.e. more expensive than normal) meal is the true mark of how we feel? We really are a sad, fucked up society if that is the case. I kind of understand the principle at 14 years old of secretly letting someone you fancy know about it semi-anonymously (admit it, you always left some clue), but when you’re married…….in your …ahem…40’s?
I told Hellsbells I loved her on our Wedding Day. What more is needed?
Of course I bought some flowers……..my life would be hell otherwise
*puts tin hat back on and waves white flag in air*.
Its worth mentioning that Pie cooked dinner last night. Monkfish Nicoise. Monkfish with peppers, onions, and sun-dried tomato’s with Wild Mushroom rice and a lemon, white wine and garlic sauce. She’s 13 for fucks sake! And it was simply one of the best things I’ve ever tasted. I’m so proud of her it almost brings a tear to the cynical old eye. I did Parents evening the other night and saw 6 of her teachers. In the end the gushing praise was embarrassing.
I still maintain I would like to know when it was that teachers became nice people. Humans in fact. Because they weren’t like that in my schooldays.
Some poor Friday jokes (an occasional series when I can be arsed)
I see Supermarkets are offering bags for life.
I don’t see the fuss.
Churches have always offered this through marriage
A young man is walking along a pier when he sees an old man with his shoes off, trouser legs rolled up, legs dangling in the sea and fishing with an imaginary rod.
Puzzled, the young man asks “What are you doing”
The old man replies “Fishing for cunts”
“Sounds good, can I join you?”
“Of course you can, pull up a pew son”
The young man sits down and casts an imaginary rod out, turns to the old man and says
“So how many cunts have you caught today?”
The old man replies
“You’re the third this morning”
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves aren’t happy.
And finally….I was in Tesco the other day when I saw a guy off Crimewatch who is wanted for sevral rapes. I tackled him to the ground and punched him unconscious. The police arrived and arrested me.
Apparently they use actors on the show.
I thank you.
Later , GJ
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