Mansions to Palaces

Time to move

More corporate silliness abound at The Company as we now move under the command of our new boss. I liked the Belgian Billyboy, he was brusque but despite being from Belgian he had a sense of irony and understood cynicism and sarcasm, which are generally very British traits.

But now I have a new threat manager. Don’t get this wrong I still report to The Master, but now instead of BillyBoy, we have Mr Blonde.

I'm sure the fact that his wife works in HR has had no bearing or gave any interview advantage when he applied for the role as Big Boss Of The Business and Customer Stroking Department.

Why Mr Blonde? Well, film aficionados will know Mr Blonde as the smiling, vindictive, sadistic assassin in the introductory masterpiece of Hollywood’s “enfant terrible” Quentin Tarantino’s Reservoir Dogs (well he was the "enfant terrible" when it was released!) . Watch the film to understand Mr Blonde’s persona.

Especially the torture scene.

Well, Mr Blonde came in just before Christmas all smiling and saying the usual things about how much he was looking forward to working with us…blah, blah, blah…you know the spiel by now. On that day he even declared himself a Chelsea fan…….”Born and bred in SW6” to quote him. Blimey, I thought…things are looking up. But I should have known better.

The reality is somewhat different and since then he has almost been invisible to us all, bar one "team briefing" which announced nothing, amnd a spot at a recent "leadership update" session. All this talk of Leaders makes me wonder if I'm living in North Korea...perhaps the Beach Babe should now be called Dear Leader....yeah..I like that. Anyway, presumably Mr Blonde had hidden away as he strives to build his new organization under the current “transformation” of the business.

Something doesn’t ring right here for me. A man who doesn't communicate with anyone can't be a good thing. Something tells me we’ve just witnessed the arrival of the psychopathic assassin who is making jokes with you one minute and then gunning you down in cold blood the next.

Watch this space for more information on whether I dodge the bullet or not.

Anyway this weekend saw the first move from Mr Blonde as we all moved to the Corporate HQ Palace from our previous home in Technology Mansions, located in a stereotypically bland Business Park on the outskirts of town. Technology Mansions was a bit more rough and ready and much less salubrious than Corporate Palace. Plus, having worked there for around 90% of my tenure with The Company it’s fair to say there weren’t many I didn’t know. Oh, how different it is at Corporate Palace. And these differences are……?

The food is worse and more expensive

The coffee is dearer and the "large" is smaller than the "large" back at the Mansions

People smile less...in fact hardly at all

Power dressing is everywhere and everything (that’s me fucked then)

It’s a posy-yuppie paradise full of testosterone filled knobs or vacuous mangirls giving mental corporate blow-jobs to the people in power, keeping their assassins knives ready for the day they can dispose of their rivals and predecessors.

Car parking is utter carnage after 8:30 in the morning.

There is a lot of ….ahem…….talent....

The toilets are unisex…we think…who knows?

In fact it seems a typical soulless campus full of wannabee corporate cock suckers desperately trying to vie for a place on the greasy pole of success. Sad bastards.

I'm gonna hate it.

Later, GrocerJack